Swerving All Over

Copper: Sir, your car was swerving all over the road.

Me: Sorry, officer, I’ve had ten pints and feel very pissed.

Copper: That’s no excuse to let your wife drive !

Paddy Frees a Genie

Paddy frees a genie

Happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants Paddy three wishes.

The Irishman thinks about it, and says “I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty.”

So POOF! a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it back on the bar, it’s filled up again.

“So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?”

“I want two more of these, mon!”

Good Decision

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle…

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment, if I fell off the bicycle the bottle would fall out of the basket and break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home