Turtle Picnic

Once there were three turtles.

One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn’t eat the sandwiches until he got back.

A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,”oh, come on, let’s eat the sandwiches.”

Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, “If you do, I won’t go!”

600 lb Silver-back Gorilla

A Gorilla is sitting in a tree…..and he is a pretty horny. There are no other apes around but he sees the lion eating a boar and he thinks about it and decides that a hole is a hole so he jumps down and fucks the lion in the ass.

The lion lets out a terrifying roar and whips around but the gorilla has already finished and is running through the jungle now.

The gorilla knows he can’t outrun the lion and he is gaining fast. Just then the gorilla hears the clanking of dishes and human voices. He turns and runs into the camp and everyone runs and the sight of this 600 lb Silverback Gorilla.

The gorilla goes into an empty tent and picks up a already lit cigar shoves it in his mouth, throws on a jungle helmet and hurriedly sits down and picks up the discarded newspaper.

Just then the lion busts through the tent flaps and looks around and asks “Excuse me sir, have you seen a gorilla come through here?”

Without lowering the paper or showing his face, the gorilla in a very convincing English accent replies ” Is this the same gorilla that fucked the lion in the ass?” The lion taken aback, grabs his own face and shrieks


Be smart….

A dog walks through the jungle forests, when suddenly a tiger threatens to devour him.

The dog, who sees the animal’s bones next to it, turns to them, licks his lips and says, “What a delicious tiger that was!”

The tiger hears the dog, panics, turns and runs away.

All the while there was a monkey sitting on the tree upstairs. The monkey, who wanted to flatter the tiger, ran to him and told him how the dog had fooled him.

The tiger gets mad and orders the monkey to sit on his back to guide him back to the dog.

The dog, who sees the monkey and the tiger approaching and understands what has happened, hurries back to the bones and says, “Well, where is this monkey I sent to bring me another tiger?”

I’m so sorry

I heard that they have dogs now that can smell if you’ve got cancer.

That must be the most depressing dog ever to take on a walk. “Your dog really likes me” “I’m so sorry.”