The Night before X’mas

The night before Xmas
Throughout the house.
Everyone was fcuked
Even the mouse.

Dad at the brothel,
…Mum with frank,
I’d settled down
For a nice slow wank.

Outside the house
I heard a right clatter,
I let go of my cock
To see what was the matter.

Out on the lawn
I saw a big dick,
I knew right away
It was old St Nick.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell.
The big fat fcuker, I think he fell.

He filled all our stockings with sweets & beer,
And a big rubber cock
For my brother, the queer.

He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart,
The big fat c*nt
Blew the house apart.

He swore and he cursed
As he rode out of sight,
Shouting: I’ll be back next year, Have a hell of a night.

 

Angel on Top

Why the Little Angel is at the top of the Christmas Tree …
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip. As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight. He then went to check on the rest of the preparations. The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED. He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad. All of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry state, ignored it. There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this. When the knock came again, Santa–filled with rage–threw open the door. Standing there was a little angel who said, “Hi Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?”

Santa, this body is your gift

Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe. She says “Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you’d like to come into my bedroom.” Santa responds “Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.”
The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says “I’ve got something special for you Santa. Can’t you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgettable.”
Santa responds “Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.”
Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says “Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift.”
Santa responds “Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can’t get up the chimney with my dick this way!”