Daddy’s Phone Call

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,

**’Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?’**

**’No, Daddy.**
**She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.’**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**
**’But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.’**

**’Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now..’**

Brief Pause.

**’Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.’**

**’Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’**

**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**

**’I did it, Daddy.’**

**’And what happened, honey?’ **

‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming.**

**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser****And
now she isn’t moving at all!’**

**’Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Paul?’**

**’He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too..**

**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window****And into
the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water****Last week
to clean it.**

**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’**

*****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

**Then Daddy says,**

**’Swimming pool We dont have a swimming pool ?  ………..**

**Is this 486-5731?’*

**No, I think you have the wrong number……..*

Not Getting any tonite

It was cold and pouring with rain but the boy’s mother insisted he go and feed the animals on their freeholding before he could have breakfast. The boy went out in a dark rage, kicked the chickens, punched the cow and threw water all over the pigs. When he got back inside his mother was furious. “How dare you!” she fumed. “For that you get no eggs because you kicked the chickens, no milk because you thumped the cow and no bacon because of the way you treated the pigs.” Just then, dad came down the stairs and nearly tripping over the cat, he gave the animal a mighty kick. The boy turned to his mother and said, “Are you going to tell him or shall I

Whats a bitch ?

“Mummy, mummy, what’s a pussy?” asked the small boy. His mother went to the encyclopaedia and showed him a picture of a cat. “That’s a pussy,” she said. “Mummy, mummy, what’s a bitch?” continued the little boy. Again, mother consulted the encyclopaedia and showed her son a picture of a dog. But the boy wasn’t convinced so he went to his father and asked him what a pussy was. Dad went to his magazine, opened it at the centrefold and drew a circle. “There you are, son,” he said, “that’s a pussy.” Then the little boy asked him what a bitch was and dad replied sadly, “Everything outside the circle, son

No way in hell

A young lady came home from a date rather sad. She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” asked her mother.
“Because he told me he’s an atheist. Mum he doesn’t believe there’s a hell,” she replied.
“Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is!” said the mother.