35 Alcohol & Drinking – Funny Quotes & Status Updates

  1. Alcohol means that some of the best times you’ll never remember.
  2. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: it dissolves marriages, families, careers and friendship…
  3. I take life with a grain of salt…, and a slice of lemon…, and a shot of tequila!
  4. Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy alcohol.
  5. I’m not an alcoholic… I just like to go to the meetings and meet new drinking buddies!
  6. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible teaches: “love your enemies”.
  7. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
  8. My grandmother is over 80 and still doesn’t need glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle!
  9. 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
  10. An alcoholic is someone you don’t like because he drinks as much as you do.
  11. I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
  12. Life has many choices: whisky… vodka… rum.. gin.. wine… beer…
  13. I drink only on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
  14. Alcohol is the anesthesia. It helps us to endure the operation of life.
  15. Here is a toast to alcohol! To the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.
  16. Alcohol ain’t the answer but it helps you to forget the question !
  17. I stopped drinking for a while, then I woke up
  18. Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
  19. When life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt.
  20. I don’t drink anymore. I don’t drink any less either.
  21. Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
  22. I am not drunk, just chemically imbalanced.
  23. Wine enters, secrets come out.
  24. I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
  25. Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough.
  26. I don’t have a drinking problem… I’m actually quite good at it.
  27. Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
  28. I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
  29. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
  30. I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
  31. I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
  32. You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
  33. I drink to forget I drink.
  34. My boss didn’t know i drank, till one day i came to work sober.
  35. Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.