U don’t know S**T

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. “Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger “What would you like to discuss? “Oh, I don’t know,” said the stranger. “How about nuclear power? “OK,” said Little Johnny. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. “A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is? “Jeez,” said the stranger. “I have no idea. “Well, then,” said Little Johnny, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know sh*t? “

Quicky

A little johnnys parents decided that the only way to have a quickie while their son johnny was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighborhood. So little johnny stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening. “A police car has just called at the Hamilton’s’ house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell’s are having sex.” Hearing this, little johnnys parents shot bolt upright. “How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?” “Because their kid is standing on the balcony too.”

CATASTROPHY

Little Johnny meets Obama

Obama comes into to johnny’s class to teach a little vocabulary system. Obama says ” ok kids, who knows what a catastrophe?”

Susie says “an earthquake!”

Obama says ” no that would be a tragedy”

Jill says “a car wreck?”

Obama says “no that would be an accident”

Johnny says “if u and mrs. Obama were in an air plane and got shot down, that would be a catastrophe”

Obama says “yes. How did u know?”

Johnny says “well it ain’t a tragedy and sure as hell wasn’t an accident?”

Black Balls

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, “How many grains of sand are in the beach?” Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, “How many stars are in the sky?” and again no one could answer.

Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes 200 Ping-Pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, “Here’s this week’s question,” Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the Ping-Pong balls rolling to the front of the room. The teacher shouts, “Okay, who’s the comedian with the black balls?”

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and yells, “Bill Cosby! See ya on Tuesday!”