Gollum was once a normal man

I’ve been reading ‘Lord Of The Rings’ and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life…

Must be the same ring I put on when I got married…

What’s for dinner?

Husband: Guests are coming tonight. What’s for dinner?

Wife:I am not well today, so there’s only green beans.

Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you’ll welcome them and I’ll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you’ll say “what happen” . Then I’ll say “oh no!! I dropped the chicken ” . Then again drop another utensil and say “I dropped the spaghetti. Now we only left with green beans.”

Guest arrives
Wife: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable.

Loud sound comes from the kitchen.

Wife: Everything alright, honey?

Husband: Shit. I dropped the beans

What’s your reason?

Two men with black eyes are sitting at a bar. One turns to the other and asks “how did you get your black eye?”

The other man replies “I need a ticket from Boston to Pittsburgh, and the cashier selling the tickets had large, firm breasts. I tried not to think about them when I ordered my ticket but when she asked me what I wanted I said ‘one picket to Tittsburgh please’. She socked me right in the eye.”

“Huh, that’s funny. I got my black eye in a similar way.”

“What happened?”

“Well, I was at dinner with my wife when I meant to ask her ‘honey, please pass the ketchup.’ But instead I accidentally said ‘bitch you ruined my life.’”