God is watching

The children were lined up in the dinner hall of a catholic school for lunch.
There was a large pile of apples with a note-“Take only one, God is watching”.
Further along the lunch line there was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies….
One child whispered to another “Take all you want, God is watching the apples”.

Hitlers Statue

An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a Hitler statue.

The Jew spits on the statue. Arab: why did you do that? Jew: because he killed half my people.

The Arab spits on the statue as well. Jew: why did you do that? Arab: because he didn’t kill the other half.

KFC goes to visit the Pope

A man goes to see the pope.

“Your Holiness. I work for KFC, and we’ll offer you ten million dollars to change the reading of the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken.'”

The pope is aghast! “I can’t just go changing God’s word for money!”
The man comes back the next day: “Fifty million! Now, think of all the good the church could do with all that money, Your Holiness!” The pope in unimpressed: “Look, I told you. I just can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

The guy is back a week later: “Final offer- $500 million. Take it or leave it.”
The next day, the pope calls all the leaders of the church together: “Boys, I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is we’ve raised $500 million dollars for Catholic Charities.”

The room erupts! Everybody is so happy!
The pope waits for the room to settle down. Then- “And now for the bad news: We lost the Wonder Bread account.”

All About The Money

Two Jews are walking past a church. The signboard reads “Convert to Christianity today and earn $100!”
The first Jew says, “What a load of crap. Proselytizing schmucks!”
The second Jew says, “I don’t know, one hundred dollars is one hundred dollars.”
“You can’t be serious,” says the first guy.
“Watch me,” says the second guy and he goes into the church. About half an hour later he comes back out.
“Well?” says his friend. “Did they give you the one hundred dollars?”
The second guy says, “Oh, it’s always about the money with you people!”