Smart Professor

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell “naughty” stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began.”They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France.”

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.

“Young ladies,” said the professor with a broad smile, “the next plane doesn’t leave till tomorrow afternoon.

Brilliant Kid

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students  the teacher asked,”Boy. what is your problem?”

Boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal’s office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Boy.: “9”.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Boy.: “36”.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think Boy can go to the third-grade.”

Ms Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.Can I ask him ?” The principal and Boy both agreed.

Ms Neelam asks,
“What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment “Legs.”

Ms Neelam:
“What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy.:”Pockets.”

Ms Neelam:
What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,  oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Ms Neelam:
What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, the Boy replied.: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam:
What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Neelam:
Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.

Ms Neelam:
You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word sta rts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get  it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
Boy.: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
“Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself! ! “

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.  After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is? “Bob”. “And what is your question, Bob?”
“I have 3 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh that’s right — question time. Who has a question?”
A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is?
Steve”
“And what is your question, Steve?”
“I have 5 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?! And fifth, Where is “Bob”?!!

6 reasons not to mess with children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.  The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teach er reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”. The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him “.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”  Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.  After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’  A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I s tood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”  Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.