Pick That Up

Walking my dog today when this moody old woman shouts “you better pick that up”

She didnt even give me a chance to wipe my arse.

Sound Effects

My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone.

I said, “It’s for sound effects during sex.”

He asked, “Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?”

I replied, “No, I work in a morgue.”

Put My Feet Up

Just finished work and am going home to the wife to put my feet up…

I remember when we first met and i struggled to get 2 fingers up