Ugly Jokes

Kid: “Mom, am I ugly?”

Mom: “I told you not to call me mom in public.”

Last night I raped a big fat ugly bird in the park.

After I’d finished with her she said, “I’m telling the police you raped me twice.”

I said, “I only raped you once.”

She said, “Aren’t you going to do it again?”

We were on a plane and the chap sat next to me started to be violently sick so I reached for a bag.

“Thank you so much, ” he said as I put it over my wife’s head.

You know that you’re really ugly when you put your new iPhoneX in your back pocket and the facial recognition unlocks your phone.