Barefoot And Pregnant

Guy#1 – I’m thinking about getting a nice wristwatch for my wife as an anniversary present. Any suggestions on a good brand of watch?

Guy#2 – Why are you getting her a watch? There’s a clock right there on the stove.

Bad Food

My wife wasn’t impressed with the restaurant I’d chosen for our anniversary meal.

“There was a cockroach in the toilet,” she said.

“Oh come on.. A cockroach doesn’t necessarily mean their food is bad.”

“Really?… Well this one was throwing up.”

Someone’s Gonna Be Mad

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. …

“But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” …

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” …

“But, officer, I just wanted to say… ” …

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!” …

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,”said the fellow in the cell.

“Why not?” asked the officer.

“Well, you see, officer, it just happens that I’m the groom.”