Funny One Liners

  1. I would like to apologize to all my American Friends for the Power Blackout in India. Electricity is now restored and your Customer Service & Tech Support is now up & running.
  2. India’s population before the blackout was 1.2 Billion….After the blackout it’s supposed to grow by another 300 million:)
  3. The Obama Administration just created 100 million jobs @ Dell and Comcast by cutting power in India.
  4. I wrote a status about unemployment earlier, but didn’t post it. It needs some work.
  5. I don’t take my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.
  6. I love you, but I’m not in “change my relationship status on FB” love with you
  7. Ladies, if you get in an argument with a guy and you have no chance of winning, start playing with your boobs. Trust me on this one.
  8. Whenever someone says to me “You look so familiar, where do I know you from?” I say, “Do you watch porn?”
  9. Husband: Let’s try a different position tonight. Wife: That’s a good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
  10. They say love is more important than money. B!tch, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?!
  11. Sunglasses were invented so you can stare at me while you’re with your girlfriend.
  12. The people who wear Bluetooth headsets always look like the people least likely to ever receive phone calls.
  13. Some people dream of success, others are awake & work hard at it.
  14. Best Way to deal with High School Bullies: Grow up to be smarter, richer and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.
  15. Saw that Poland just won the country’s first gold metal…. they were so happy, they had it bronzed!
  16. Here’s a lesson that no matter how many times I learn it, I always forget: When a woman asks you for your opinion about something, she doesn’t actually WANT your opinion; she just wants to hear her opinion said again with a deeper voice.
  17. Let me in, Let me in, Let me in! I need to go back out again!—-My Dog!
  18. Right now the United States and China are tied in total Olympic medals! Of course we trail in Gold medals because every time we win one we have to turn it over to China to pay our debt!!!
  19. My anti-social behavior reached a new high today when I was un-invited to a wedding, and it made my day.
  20. Gymnasts used to look tiny and cute, now they look like they’ll kick your @ss in a bar fight.