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- “Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” – Plato,
- Freedom Isn’t Free, So Stop Whining And Pay Your Taxes.
- Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
- My Dad should be in the Guinness Book Of World Records. I’m pretty sure no one has ever taken twenty seven years to go and get a pint of milk.
- My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she prolly meant baking soda….but I disagree. 🙂
- I sing in the shower. I think I sound pretty good. The other people in the gym don’t agree.
- Karen on Facebook says, “2014 is going sooooo well!” Personally, I’ve already fcuked up 2014, and a good chunk of 2015, so go fcuk yourself Karen.
- My wife thinks I have a gambling habit. She hasn’t said anything, but I can bet that’s what she is thinking.
- Why don’t you come sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up?
- What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
- You’re like a prize winning fish. I don’t know whether to eat you or mount you.
- I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
- Did you know there are 260 bones in the human body? Want one more?
- Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
- Never take for granted someone that can make you smile or the fact that you have something to smile about.
- Why do people post missing person posts on Facebook? Like we’re going outside…
- I actually feel bad for Justin Bieber. No girl should have to take a picture without her makeup on
- Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
- I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I’m playing with it. Yeah…I’m playing with my selfie.
- Women’s magazines are so funny. 1: You’re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.