Best collection of Awesome Quotes for Facebook
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Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.
- As I continue to go bald, every day is both the worst hair day of my life, and best hair day I’ll have for the rest of my life.
- When it comes to bomb-making or bomb-defusing…nobody learns from their mistakes
- I wonder what kids today are going to tell their kids. ‘Yeah. it was rough back then. I didn’t get a smartphone til 4th grade and sometimes the wifi didn’t work upstairs.’
- Blessed are those who are cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!
- If you lend someone 20 Bucks, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
- If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
- Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.
- I was so depressed last night thinking about health care plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, social security, retirement funds, etc. So, I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin’ call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck……
- A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
- A report indicates Viagra can cause temporary hearing loss in men. So guys, you can have sex, but you can’t hear the woman talk afterwards. In a related story, Viagra sales have skyrocketed.
- People are funny. They spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like.
- People reckon I’m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they’re stupid)
- Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- British Intelligence is warning that terrorist groups could fit women terrorists with exploding breast implants. They knew it was only a matter of time before Al Queda started setting booby traps…
- Most of us can keep a secret. It’s the people we tell it to who can’t.
- What’s the difference between England and a tea bag ? The tea bag stays in the Cup longer
- “Q. Why were India kicked out of the Soccer world Cup held in England in 1966 ? A. Every time they were given a corner, they built a shop.”
- Virgin Airlines is opening a bank called Virgin Money. It’s for people who’ve never been screwed by a bank before.
- “I ruined my health by drinking to everyone Else’s.”
- “A smile is like tight underwear…it makes your cheeks go up.
- “What do you tell a woman with two black eyes ? Nothing, somebody already told her twice”
- “Reality is for people who can’t use the internet.”