1000 Funny Sayings
If you want to go running with me, you’d better be prepared to walk a lot.
- Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
- Just texted “I still love you” to about 50 random phone numbers.
- It takes balls to be a man.
- Why do porn sites have a Google+ option? I don’t want my friends knowing I use Google+
- Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.
- In a new study women with large asses live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives
- I just read the “100 things to do before you die” list…. I’m kinda surprised that “call 911” didn’t make the cut.
- I don’t know what’s longer: a microwave minute or a treadmill minute…
- Not sure if my bed is calling me or if its the girl I left handcuffed all day
- Manners matter. Good looks are a bonus. Humor is a must.
- Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending ♡
- No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute.
- Women wake up yawning while men wake up with an erection. Coincidence?? I think NOT
- Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on. The more it hurts.
- When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
- Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things of high shelves.
- With all of this technology, you would think we would have exercise equipment that simulated scenes from Jurassic Park to actually motivate my ass to run.
- None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It’s because fish can’t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
- People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.