My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
They could put nuclear missile launch codes in porn movie end credits and they’d still be perfectly safe.
Obama supporters will party all night, especially since most of them don’t work…
Like they say in Vegas…..always bet on black!!!!
Today everyone will update about who they chose for president, then tomorrow it will be back to what they chose for lunch.
After today the rest of the world will get “FOUR MORE YEARS!” without having to hear about the US election.
Tomorrow you’ll be able to stop hating people for their political views and go back to hating them for their personality!
If Obama was really Kenyan he would have won the race by now.
Afroman was going to vote. But then he got high..
If you have my phone number but insist on posting some personal tidbit on my FB wall, I’ll beat the crap out of you.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
It’s impossible for a woman to say ‘I’m not overreacting’ without screaming.
I advise you, don’t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
Why no, stranger, I CAN’T believe how early it gets dark now despite the fact this phenomena has occurred every single year of my existence.
After spending 45 minutes eavesdropping on a crazy girl giving advice to another crazy girl, I really don’t know how we’re not extinct yet.
Some family is never more than just blood.
I hate when people inbox me to tell me how funny my status es are… Motherf*cker there is a “like” button for a reason!
Without that little voice in your head, you wouldn’t be able to read this.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.