Funny Sayings

  1. I’d like to know what Obama or Romney propose to do about YouTube buffering.
  2. I put the FU in FUN 🙂
  3. Everything my boy friend ever said to me was a lie. Every. Fcuking. Thing. Except the part about how pretty I was, that  was true.
  4. Boss: You can’t drink while you’re working! Me: Oh, I’m not working.
  5. After 2 million years in existence, the pinky finger reveals its true purpose: supporting the bottom of our phones.
  6. Political views are like children. Some people don’t have one or want one. Others keep trying to show theirs off.
  7. Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
  8. Not liking me will always be your problem. Never mine.
  9. Texts that piss me off: 1. Yeah 2. Oh 3. Yup 4. Lol 5. Haha 6. K 7. Nope 8. Chillin 9. Naw
  10. A relationship where you can act like complete idiots together is the sweetest thing ever.
  11. If the T-Rex had arms that were long enough to hug, they probably wouldn’t have been so mean.
  12. I like woman who are mentally stable and sexually unstable.
  13. Women are not complicated at all, except when they expect us to read between the lines.
  14. The first time a woman swallowed my stuff, I was so appreciative that I swallowed her bullshi t for the next two years.
  15. Here’s to the kisses that I snatched, and Vice versa. Bottoms up fellas.
  16. Imagination: because if I fcuked you as much as I thought about it, we’d both be unemployed.
  17. I hate when movies say “May contain nudity.” Well does it doesn’t it? I don’t want to waste my time.
  18. A lady in front of me at Walmart today had six kids and was buying a baby gate. I wanted to tell her, “if that’s for your  vagina, you’re too late!”
  19. You guys have no idea how much pressure there is to be funny, for free, with absolutely no obligation, on the Internet all  the damn time.
  20. Men, if you’re looking to spoil your lady this christmas, make sure there’s WIFI in the kitchen, chicks love WIFI in the  kitchen.