Funny Sayings

  1. I may not be perfect but I am always me.
  2. Me: I like that… Me: *looks at price tag* …. Me: I don’t like that anymore.
  3. Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
  4. Maybe you should get your own life so that you can leave mine alone, bitch.
  5. It’s cute that you think everyone is jealous of you. We actually just don’t like you.
  6. I think I’m allergic to mornings.
  7. My life feels like a test I didn’t study for and everybody is being a d*ck and not letting me cheat.
  8. Guy says: Is this seat empty? Girl says: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
  9. Apparently, you can only say “look at you! You got so big!” to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
  10. You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
  11. Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
  12. I think Mondays were invented to punish us for all the fun we have on the weekends!
  13. Monday Morning……Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off  the floor is another story.
  14. If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
  15. If everyday is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.
  16. Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I’m assuming it’s Monday.
  17. The 7 days of my week…..Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Friday, Saturday and preMonday
  18. Monday morning coffee is just as important as Friday night liquor….almost.
  19. I can see smoke on the horizon. God I hope it’s rest of Monday burning to the ground
  20. Thank God It’s Monday” ~ My Liver