Funny Sayings

  1. I can already hear Monday morning whispering Go F***Yourself in my ear.
  2. I’ve been keeping this a secret for almost a year now because I didn’t want to lose friends: I don’t work on Mondays.
  3. Practicing my “Eye Rolling” cause you know… tomorrow’s Monday.
  4. I like Tuesday simply because it is literally the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be.
  5. My greatest fear on Monday is greeting someone and asking someone how their weekend went and they actually telling me  every mundane details about it.
  7. Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
  8. Fake is the new trend and some of my friends seem to be in style!
  9. If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
  10. You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
  11. A fat girl just served me at McDonald’s earlier. She said, “Sorry about the wait”… I said, “Don’t worry hun, you’ll lose  that eventually.”
  12. I use Facebook mostly to keep in touch (without leaving the house) with people whom I do not wish the share my cell number  with…
  13. I have sixth sense, I see stupid people.
  14. If God had wanted you to talk more than listen, he would have given you two mouths and one ear.
  15. I want a real relationship; not a Facebook one
  16. You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
  17. I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, and Real shit.
  18. Bet you didn’t notice the the word ‘the’ has been said twice. 🙂
  19. The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.
  20. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.