Funny Sayings

  1. “Let’s save this so we can throw it away in few days” – Tupperware
  2. There is no way Siri could be a woman, she only speaks when she’s spoken to.
  3. There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”…
  4. Facebook should add a hug and kiss button that way people can have a little foreplay before getting poked.
  5. You know times are hard when you call 911 for an ambulance and they tell you to have gas money ready.
  6. Boy: You are the most funniest and most beautiful girl I have ever met. Girl: You just wanna f*ck me. Boy: Wow and smart  to.
  7. If you’re ugly, you cant say “Single And Loving It” ‘Cuz you really have no choice.
  8. I am addicted. I bought the iPhone, iPad & iTouch & now iBroke, iHomeless & iRegret.
  9. 69 is the kamikaze of oral sex .. If I’m going down you’re coming with me.
  10. My wife gets really annoyed when I make sexual requests. The other night, I asked her if we could try the ‘praying mantis’  position and she tore my head off
  11. “Please don’t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook… it just annoys your friends” – Every baby
  12. My laziness is exactly as the number 8. If it lays down, it becomes infinite.
  13. Two things I will never grasp in life: 1. What to write in birthday cards. 2. What to do when people are singing happy  birthday to me.
  14. How busy can you actually be if you just took the time to change your online status to say so.
  15. Really no offense ladies,but why do all of you go on about your weight..then post all this food that would clog and  artery…
  16. I’m even late for work when I work from home
  17. I wonder if dog’s had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.
  18. Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the  Internet.
  19. I feel as though common sense should be referred to as the sense formerly known as common.
  20. Thank god we don’t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?