Funny Sayings

  1. Just because it’s called make-up… doesn’t mean it’s supposed to makeup 99% of your face.
  2. I think you scientists did a great job of making old people’s d-i-c-k-s hard. How ’bout you guys take a look at cancer and  stuff now.
  3. I went to the library and asked for a book about small peni$es. The librarian said, “I’m not sure if it’s in yet.” “Yep,  that’s the one”, I said.
  4. I’m all out of damns to give, and only have a few flying f*cks left… but I’m saving those for a special occasion.
  5. The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
  6. Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
  7. I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
  8. I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
  9. If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
  10. The problem with today’s children is that today’s parents are idiots.
  11. Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
  12. That awkward moment when people text you first and then don’t keep the conversation going.
  13. The worst time to hear I told you so is when you end up saying it to yourself.
  14. Do I turn left, when nothing is right? Or do I turn right, when there’s nothing left?
  15. Money is not a problem. The Problem is “I don’t have Money!”
  16. It was so cold out today I actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.
  17. When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
  18. I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
  19. 96 is the number of rejection.
  20. My bunny died. Now he’s just some bunny that i used to know….