Funny Sayings

  1. Sometimes I see a post and think ” good.. its your own fault”
  2. Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn’t have to end at work.
  3. No matter what a woman looks like, if she’s confident, she’s sexy.”
  4. I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly “you are NOT the  father”
  5. If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people.
  6. Sorry hun, but unlike you, I’m not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn. I’m more of a casino where only the lucky ones  hit the jackpot.
  7. There are teenagers having unprotected sex, but have cases on their cell phones. Just let that sink in for a moment.
  8. Now, if we could only get some white smoke to come out of the White House’s chimney.
  9. Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her, and make her the most important thing in  your life.
  10. White smoke is coming out of my neighbor’s house. He either elected a new Pope or he’s got some good weed.
  11. Whatsapp and BBM have been ranked 2nd and 3rd as the best for gossip.Women continue to rule at No. 1.
  12. Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
  13. A black guy called me a disgrace in front of his girlfriend, but then I realized he was introducing me to his girlfriend  Grace.
  14. Men are a lot like shopping carts, when you finally find one without a screwed up wheel, it already has a wife pushing it  around.
  15. I can’t get out of bed. These blankets has accepted me as one of their own and if I leave now I might lose their trust!
  16. Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
  17. Worry: a waste of imagination.
  18. Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered  something to eat.
  19. Used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!
  20. Giving “the silent treatment” only matters to those who want to hear what you have to say.