Funny Sayings

  1. Is trying to sell a useless set of feelings.
  2. Says I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I’m just being paranoid.
  3. First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering
  4. Is thinking about doing something! Now just got to think what that something will be!!!
  5. When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed  for forgiveness.
  6. A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, “Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?” He says, “Why?  Are my eyes bulging?”
  7. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man  listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
  8. Love thy neighbor all through the day… but first make sure her husband’s away!
  9. It is well known…
  10. Man stands up to get knocked down, woman lays down to get knocked up.
  11. Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!
  12. A lady says to the psychiatrist, “I think I might be a nymphomaniac.” He says, “I’ll see what I can do to help you. My fee  is eighty dollars an hour.” She says, “How much for all night?”
  13. There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of  the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
  14. I think it’s funny when someone updates their status with a depressing quote or about something bad that happened, and  then people “like” it. The “like” button has become used more than a gas station bathroom.
  15. I’m so lonely I bought a plane ticket just for the airport pat down.
  16. Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance . Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair . Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage . Dumb Man + Dumb  Woman = Pregnancy
  17. If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
  18. Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
  19. Smile is the only curved line that can make everything straight 🙂
  20. Women are temperamental. That’s 90% temper and 10% mental.