Funny Sayings

  1. God has no Phone, but I talk to him. He has no Facebook, but he is still my friend. He does not have a Twitter, but I  still follow him.
  2. The worst thing about censorship is ??????????????
  3. This is just a temporary status…until I think of something better
  4. Without that little voice in your head you wouldn’t be able to read this.
  5. With Airlines stocks having crashed. I can’t decide between paying for two extra bags or buying half the company.
  6. I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent… twisted… gyrated… jumped up and down… and perspired for a half an  hour. But by thetime I got my tights on…. the class was over!
  7. Wakes up grumpy, but most days he just lets her sleep….
  8. Dear Face Book you keep offering up people for me to friend, but then you get all concerned and ask me how I know them.  You can’t be the pimp and the cop!
  9. In a recent survey into blow jobs, and why men like them so much 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82%  just like the peace and quiet.
  10. Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them  realize they had this talent.
  11. Facebook: the only book teens read these days.
  12. Girlfriend caught you looking at another woman? Turn to your girl and tell her that you’re glad she doesn’t dress like  that.
  13. A job interview is like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the time wondering if you’re  going to get screwed.
  14. I bet if I was a hot chick and I left a status that said “I’m brushing my hair”. It would get about 50 likes.
  15. 9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 100 are geting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there  mate
  16. My friend asked me today what the name of the show is where they go fishing and catch all the crabs..I said “Jersey  Shore”…Was I wrong?
  17. Leaving your cell phone unlocked near your girlfriend is like leaving a cake near a fat kid
  18. If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?
  19. I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the “why aren’t you wearing pants” look.
  20. I hate when a texting convo goes like this You: heyy. Them: hey! You: watzup? Them: nothin wbu? You: same. Them: cool.  You: yea Them: haha. You: lol. Them: yep.