Funny Sayings

  1. Times are tough, jobs are scarce, I know I don’t have the greatest body, but for you single ladies, I’ll gigolo if the  price is right. . .
  2. If somebody’s presence does not add value to your life..Then their absence should make no difference!
  3. How can you call it love when you’re crying more than smiling.
  4. The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.
  5. Be nice to someone for no reason. You never know when you’re going to need someone to be nice to you for no reason.”
  6. “I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
  7. Men who enjoy making their girlfriends jealous, good luck dealing with the crazy psycho you created.
  8. Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
  9. I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don’t have to save for retirement…
  10. I have benefits if anybody needs a friend.
  11. If you were a dog, you would be a hot dog.
  12. That moment when the bus runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it!
  13. When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about  a Man’s wallets.
  14. When I’m about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I’m worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV.
  15. My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a bitch
  16. I’d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I’ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don’t (you know  why)
  17. You don’t have to like me. I’m not a Facebook status..
  18. Its a joke not a d*ck, don’t take it to hard.
  19. Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
  20. Love is not a game. If you think it is, then you’re not playing it right.