Funny Sayings

  1. 2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
  2. That shitty moment when you finally get comfy in bed then realize the lights are on.
  3. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta… F*ck you guys this is funny to me.
  4. There is a “lie” in believe, “over” in lover, “end” in friend, “us” in trust, “ex” in “next” & “if” in life.
  5. “International Women’s Day……Cause it’s not like you want attention on any other day…”
  6. Knowing its International Women’s Day is the only thing I know about women.
  7. Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
  8. In honor of women’s day I would like to honestly say that….” Life with out you ladies would literally be a pain in the  ass”
  9. You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a  sleeping bag before.
  10. It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
  11. Me and my bed are in a committed relationship, I think my alarm clock is just jealous of our love.
  12. I’m more pissed off than a midget with a yo-yo.
  13. Never underestimate the power of a woman’s INTUITION. Some women can recognize game before you even play it.
  14. Thought for the day: is Taylor Swift’s song ‘We are never getting back together’ actually about her legs ?
  15. The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
  16. Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell.
  17. That one day of fame on Facebook when it is your birthday.
  18. Whenever I see a big guy beating up a little guy I ALWAYS jump in to help cause there is NO WAY the little guy can take us  both.
  19. I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or  ashamed.
  20. Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who’s sick of her bull shit.