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- 2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
- That shitty moment when you finally get comfy in bed then realize the lights are on.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta… F*ck you guys this is funny to me.
- There is a “lie” in believe, “over” in lover, “end” in friend, “us” in trust, “ex” in “next” & “if” in life.
- “International Women’s Day……Cause it’s not like you want attention on any other day…”
- Knowing its International Women’s Day is the only thing I know about women.
- Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
- In honor of women’s day I would like to honestly say that….” Life with out you ladies would literally be a pain in the ass”
- You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
- It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
- Me and my bed are in a committed relationship, I think my alarm clock is just jealous of our love.
- I’m more pissed off than a midget with a yo-yo.
- Never underestimate the power of a woman’s INTUITION. Some women can recognize game before you even play it.
- Thought for the day: is Taylor Swift’s song ‘We are never getting back together’ actually about her legs ?
- The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
- Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell.
- That one day of fame on Facebook when it is your birthday.
- Whenever I see a big guy beating up a little guy I ALWAYS jump in to help cause there is NO WAY the little guy can take us both.
- I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
- Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who’s sick of her bull shit.