Funny Sayings

  1. I’m no gynecologist but I know a c*nt when I see one.
  2. I’m bored. Who wants to fall in love with me until they find someone better?
  3. I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
  4. Just named my dog Naked. Now im going to walk naked down the street eveyday.
  5. I made this status nice and short so you can just move onto the next one.
  6. Fcuk you Adobe! I spend more time downloading Adobe updates than i’ve ever spent using Adobe.
  7. Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, “dad was a good parent…mom was a good parent…the  problem is me, I’m just a shithead.”
  8. Don’t discriminate, hate everyone equally.
  9. Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible.
  10. 2 reasons not to drink toilet water: Number 1 and number 2.
  11. Whenever someone says, “It’s getting hot in here” I automatically think, “So take off all your clothes.
  12. This guy next to me says my cigarette smoke is bothering him. I’m like: Well, it’s killing me and I’m not bitching about  it.
  13. That little dance your thumbs do when you don’t know how to reply to someones text.
  14. I play the keyboard in a band called The Internet!
  15. I hate people who buy gym memberships just to walk on a treadmill. WALKING IS FREE.
  16. If you can make a woman laugh, you’re almost there………. If you’re almost there & she laughs, now that’s a different  thing…..
  17. Life sucks, I lent a guy ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now I don’t know what he looks like.
  18. Seen on the back of a Harley-Davidson Tee Shirt:   “If you can read this, my bitch fell off.”
  19. I just invented a cell phone that looks like a beer can. Now all you idiots can look cool when you take your picture in a  mirror.
  20. A sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse a man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears… Personally I  think its nuts.