Funny Sayings

  1. A women’s logic: Hes nice, but I’d rather date an asshole, try to change him, fail, get my heart broken and preach “All  guys are the same”
  2. Roll, roll, roll your joint, Twist it at the end, Spark it up and take a puff, Then pass it to a friend.
  3. With women it’s not about how much money you make, what you drive or where you live at… LOL Who am I kidding, even the  homeless women go after the homeless guys with the most stuff..
  4. Why do people say look when they want me to listen?
  5. Mirrors don’t lie. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.
  6. Went to a shrink today. She said I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the  rest from the other b*tch!
  7. On your mark, get set, go f*ck yourself.
  8. When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
  9. Breaking News …A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt…………….. Archaeologists  believe it may be Pharaoh Roche
  10. I want an iPhone with BBM and a Nokia battery.
  11. He said the spark between us was gone. So I tasered him. I’ll ask him again when he wakes up
  12. 2 Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine, both in hospital…one’s in a korma..
  13. Most girls on Facebook have more problems than a math text book..
  14. Presently poking others but your poke is important to me. Please stay online and your pokes will be returned in the order  they were received. Approximate wait time is five minutes.
  15. Good yawning everyone
  16. I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a  zebra or whatever.
  17. Ladies… If you want guys at the bar to leave you alone don’t tell them you have a boyfriend cause men don’t care about  that. Tell them you have a p*nís.
  18. An erection is like the theory of relativity. The more you think about it. The harder it gets.
  19. When a woman tells you ‘you’re cute’, it means you’re ugly and you just entered the friendzone.
  20. If you love somebody… Let them go. If they come back, no one wanted them.