Funny Sayings

  1. Drunk me absolutely loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
  2. I miss being able to use the excuse “I wasn’t home when you called”.
  3. Still waiting for what didn’t kill me to make me strong.
  4. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
  5. Stop advertising your relationship on Facebook not everyone wants to see you happy.
  6. Researchers say men are 3 times more likely to be the first to say “I love you”, than women. In our defence, ladies, we  don’t mean it
  7. If you’re dealing with any personal issues, family drama or problems with something a person has posted about you… let  me encourage you to share it on Facebook. Give full details and we’ll help you sort it out. That’s what we’re here for ツ
  8. You know, if I slouch in my chair at just the right angle, my fat rolls into a pretty impressive ‘3-pack’. Heck, I’m half  way to sexy town ツ
  9. The girls that say that all guys want is sex, are usually the ones who have only that to offer.
  10. My mind and my body are starting to strongly disagree about how old I am.
  11. The way I bend the rules should qualify as yoga.
  12. My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don’t exist.  He’s busy vacuuming now.
  13. The theme song for my sex life is “With or Without You.”
  14. Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books  and showered.
  15. Remember that things always get worse before they get better. Unless, you know, you die in the process of it getting  worse.
  16. I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.
  17. Why isn’t Hungary’s capital city called “Very”
  18. When my wife is sleeping I open her handbag, take out my balls, pat them & whisper “I know guys I miss you too” then put  them back quietly.
  19. I’m not sure why my dog enjoys watching me have sex but I’m sure deep down she’s thinking “B itch stole my move…”
  20. There’s a woman in New Jersey that has a rare medical condition that makes her have 100’s of unwanted orgasims. She has  100’s of orgasims a day and is still complaining. That just proves women are never happy.