Funny Sayings

  1. I would walk over Lego’s for you.
  2. A wise man once said……………………… nothing,,, He just let her vent
  3. “I don’t need any love from any man. I only need to love and be loved by ONE man. He is the Son of God,  JESUS!”…….just say u have been dumped.
  4. Everyday life can be hectic and stressful, but never forget what it’s all about: doing the hokey pokey and turning  yourself around.
  5. Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it’s wide use three fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep  that’s how you wash a cup.
  6. If a girl says, “I hate drama” there is a 99% chance she is a huge drama queen.
  7. I was at a job interview the other day when the guy asked me, “How would you describe yourself in 5 words?” This was a  tough one I thought to myself. So after a minute or two I replied, “I’d do it by talking.”
  8. Losing weight is not working for me, so I’m concentrating on getting taller.
  9. I spend more time hitting the damn snooze button than I do snoozing.
  10. Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
  11. Nobody gives a fcuk about how amazing your relationship is. You’re on Facebook. It can’t be that good.
  12. I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves.
  13. Just dismissed my low battery warning while watching a p*rn. It’s a fight to the finish now.
  14. I’ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
  15. Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they’re stabbing it? No? How  about now?
  16. I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not? ツ
  17. A wise man once said……………………… nothing,,, He just let her vent
  18. How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?
  19. My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
  20. My doctor is getting REALLY tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.