Funny Sayings

  1. I lose a lot of arguments just so I can go back to my nap.
  2. I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff in my life, but at least I’ve never signed up at the gym in January.
  3. I always party like it’s 1999. Standing in a corner talking to nerds about The Matrix.
  4. I’m glad I’ve got boobs. The last thing I want is people making eye contact with me.
  5. Women are weird. Hundreds of people can tell them they’re beautiful but they’ll obsess over the one person that doesn’t.
  6. Make sure your worst enemy is not living between your own two ears.
  7. Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
  8. It’s funny how trusting of bartenders we are. I wouldn’t let my life-long best friend hold my credit card for four hours  while I was getting bombed.
  9. You never know what you’ve got until… you clean your room.
  10. That awesome moment when your best friend likes your Facebook status because they know the story behind it.
  11. Wish that Facebook had a “drama of the day” section to quick reference in my feed.
  12. When I’m bored, nobody texts me. When I’m busy, BAM! I’m the most popular person in the world.
  13. LIKE if you’ve already broke one of your New Year’s Resolutions.
  14. I refuse to lower my standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
  15. That awkward moment when your kindness is mistaken with flirting.
  16. I’m not always sarcastic… there’s a lot of times I mean every bit of what I say.
  17. Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a  flat tire.
  18. Some people might as well post “Wants Attention” as their Facebook status
  19. When I saw my new girlfriend for the first time, it was like looking at a fine piece of priceless art. So I took her home  and nailed her against the wall.
  20. Dial 3 2 1 2 3 3 3 2 2 2 3 6 6 to get a beautiful rendition of “Mary had a Little Lamb”