Funny Sayings

  1. Don’t believe everything you think.
  2. Dec 21st falls on a Friday… What a sh*tty way to start the weekend..
  3. Being single is like a vacuum cleaner: its sucks when you’re turned on
  4. You know a girl is serious when they say your name in a text.
  5. The quickest way to avoid a conversation on Facebook is by clicking like.
  6. You don’t get what you WISH for, you get what you WORK for.
  7. When I have money, there’s nothing to buy. When I don’t have money, I want everything.
  8. HATE when this happens: Get in Bed. Get perfectly comfortable. Suddenly must pee.
  9. When Karma comes back to punch you in the face…I’ll be there…just in case it needs help.
  10. I don’t see the point of class reunions anymore now that Facebook exists.
  11. I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night …After 5 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen.
  12. Remember: Life isn’t about having amazing experiences, it’s about making mediocre experiences look awesome on Facebook.
  13. If women think all men are the same, then why do they worry so much about picking the right one.
  14. Don’t send me a 😉 face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
  15. Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
  16. To the people who have birthdays this week… your parents sure know how to celebrate Valentine’s Day!
  17. The leading cause of depression is reality.
  18. I love my toilet. We’ve been through a lot of crap together.
  19. That mini heart attack you have when you’re in bed half asleep and you suddenly feel like you’re falling.
  20. So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you’ve fallen off the face of the earth??