Humorous Quotes

  1. It’s claimed Macaulay Culkin’s health problems are linked to a difficult childhood. No sh1t. His parents forgot to take him on holiday 4 times
  2. Girl’s idea of Valentine’s Day. (???(?.? )? Guy’s idea of Valentine’s Day ( o )( o?(^?^?)
  3. I can already hear Monday morning whispering Go F***Yourself in my ear.
  4. The best part of the Grammys was Justin Bieber not performing
  5. I wish Beyonce & Jay-Z would get on stage and present their baby to the world like Mufasa did in the Lion King.
  6. Valentines Day – Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says “I’m on my period”: Priceless.
  7. Those Valentine’s Day displays at the entrance of every store are like surprise parties for your loneliness.
  8. Ladies: A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world…oh sorry thats wine…wine does that.
  9. Ladies: If I hit on you please don’t panic, I am a bachelor and that’s what bachelors do.
  10. Teenage Parties – It’s getting harder and harder to tell the zombies from the regular people.
  11. IDK why everyone is sad about Whitney Houston dying; you didn’t know her personally. You only knew her musically & musically she died in ’93
  12. If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.
  13. Its Valentines Day…If u r married go & kiss your wife or husband , if u have a gfbf the same ..n if u r single ,,,,kiss the ground and thank GOD !! =)). HAPPY VALENTINES DAY
  14. Some people just need to change their status updates to, “Needs attention.”
  15. Ladies that don’t know what to get your man for valentines day, I have your answer…Forget the cutesy stuff!!! Get alcohol, feed him Red Meat and have sex with him wearing red and pink. Trust me I’m a guy…
  16. A little bit of me dies every time I see one of you post a quote that you obviously don’t actually live by.
  17. Before I eat chips, I have to look in the bag for a perfect one
  18. If at first you don’t succeed, do it the way I told you!
  19. Facebook needs to add “still banging my ex” as a relationship status option
  20. You remind me of my pinkie toe because I know I’m eventually going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my place.