Humorous Quotes

  1. BOY: “Hi” GIRL: “I have a boyfriend” BOY: “I said ‘Hi’ not suck my d!ck”
  2. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Unless he’s a vegan – then I’m pretty sure you can just get there through his pu$$y.
  3. So you hate Facebook? Thanks for sharing that with me on Facebook.
  4. A Rabbi and a Priest are walking in the park when they see a little boy. Priest: “Hey let’s go screw that little boy” Rabbi: “Out of what?”
  5. Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I… Can’t…. Breathe…. Sincerely, your damn balls.
  6. So sad that out of 200 countries in this world,, America ranks 35th in the world in math… But at least that keeps us still in the top 10%
  7. Sharing a Facebook account with your gf/wife is the best way to let everyone know how whipped you are.
  8. Why be fake when being real takes no effort at all?
  9. Tomorrow I am going to dig up and open the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. Cannot wait to see how big my puppy has gotten!
  10. The cast of 16 & pregnant are the future cast of 32 & grandparents
  11. If you want to know what rich people do, just follow me. I know where they live…
  12. Licking whiskey off your keyboard in the morning is something everyone does, right?
  13. Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
  14. When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he’s having a crappy day.
  15. With soaring gas prices and my abnormally sized feet, I am thinking that I will be Yabba-dabba-dooing it to work this week!
  16. Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
  17. Oklahoma Thunder & Miami Heat… Can’t tell if they are talking about a weather report or NBA Finals.
  18. What does a Miami Heat fan do when his team wins the NBA Finals? He turns off the video game system.
  19. I was just making a sandwich when I thought to myself, ‘So, there is a downside to divorce’.
  20. What’s better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.