I’m not saying a word

A man in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”

Cop: You are the lawyer.

Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?

Slow Down and Stop

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense.

Irish cop says,”License and registration, please.”
London Lawyer says, “What for?”
Irish cop says,”Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Irish cop says,”Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please”
London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
Irish cop says, “The difference is, ye havte come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
Irish cop says, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, “Daeye want me to stop, or just slow down? “

Anything To Say

The presiding judge had just completed rendering the court’s verdict.

And he was about to pass sentence when he asked the defendant if he had anything to say.

“No, judge, there is nothing I care to say,” answered the prisoner.

“But if you’ll clear away the tables and chairs in this here courtroom for me to beat the HELL outta that asshole lawyer of mine, you can give me a year or two extra.

Good and Great

Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.