New Jokes

A young man walking along the Pier notices an old man with his shoes off, trouser legs rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
Puzzled the young man asks, “What are you doing?”
The old man replies, “Fishing for cunts.”
“Sounds good. Can I join you?” replied the young man.
“Of course you can, pull up a pew son.”
The young man sits down and casts an imaginary rod out, and then says, “So, how many cunts have you caught today?”
The old man replies, “You’re the third this morning.”

Shortly before his death, Don Bradman, who famously averaged 99.94 in cricket Tests for Australia, was asked what he thought his average would be against the then poor England team.

“About 50 or 60,” he replied, after thinking for a minute.

“Surely it would be much higher?” queried the interviewer.

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Bradman, “I am ninety-two.”

“So what did you wish for?” Asked my wife as I blew out my birthday candles.

“I’m not telling you that,” I replied, “It won’t come true.”

“Oh, come on, you don’t believe that do you?” She asked.

I said, “I’m not taking any chances, you cunt, just leave it.”

“Right, that’s it,” she raged, “I’ve had enough of your mouth, I’m taking the kids to my mum’s for the day.”

“There you go,” I smiled, “if I’d have just told you that, it may not have come true.”

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