New Jokes

When I asked my girlfriend if I could fuck her in the arse, she looked at me with a wicked glint in her eye and said, “Baby, I’m happy to try anything you want me to, just so long as you’d be prepared to do it yourself… So, do you still want to fuck me in the arse?”

“Actually, I’ve changed my mind,” I replied. “I want you to have sex with your sister.”

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Hot Jokes This Week

A blind man was describing his favorite sport – parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.

“Well, I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground”, he answered.

“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.

He quickly answered, “Oh that? The dog’s leash goes slack!”

Me and my wife were lying in bed last night, when she asked me “If you could compare me to one thing in the universe, what would it be?”
I said “the sun.”
She asked “Aww, is that because I’m bright, beautiful and you couldn’t live without me?”
I said “No. It’s because not one person in the fucking universe wants to look directly at you.”

Al Sharpton was at a large appliance store..

He was there to protest the fact that most all of the washing machines were white.

So the clerk called the store manager, who asked, “What’s the problem here, Reverend?”

Sharpton pointed at the washing machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that most of them were white.

The manager replied, “Well, Reverend, it’s true that most of the washing machines are white, but if you’ll open the lids, you’ll see that all the agitators are black.”

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