Oh Duck

There is this man who has a duck for his best friend and pet.

This man takes his duck everywhere he goes.

The best thing they like to do together is see western movies, they just love them.

While walking down the street one day they came across a movie theater that is playing their all time favorite western, so the man decides to go inside and watch the movie, but the woman selling the tickets says “I’m sorry but there are no ducks allowed in the theater”.

The man was outraged and really wanted to see the movie, so he went around the corner and shoved the duck down his pants then goes into the theater to see the movie.

Once in, he gets to his seat and pulls down his Zipper so the duck can watch the movie with him.

Along come two girls who sit beside him.

A short time later the first girl says to the second girl “This man’s Zipper is down”

The second girl replies “So what, you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all”.

First Girl “Yeah but this one has eaten my popcorn!”

Alzheimer’s or AIDS

Doctor: “Your wife either has Alzheimer’s or AIDS.” Husband: “How can we find out which?” Doctor: “I need you to run a little experiment this weekend. Take your wife to a park and leave her there. If she finds her way home; don’t fcuk her.