Irish MI5

An Irish gypsy man fancies joining the MI5. So he, with his wife, hop in their horse-drawn carriage and hand deliver a job application and await a response. Meanwhile, the gypsy couple set up a temporary campsite in the MI5 car park.

A MI5 agent knocks on their window and invites them in. The gypsy couple are taken into a darkish, wet, secluded basement full of caretaker tools and equipment. One agent takes the gypsy man to one side and tells him he must prove himself. The agent hands him a handgun and tells him to shoot his wife dead. The gypsy man agrees. The two agents leave him to it and wait outside the room.

For the first minute there’s silence. In the second minute, scuffling can be heard. The third minute, noises of choking. The fourth minute – complete silence. The gypsy man exists the room and hands an agent the gun and says: “Some fecking bastard forgot to put bullets in the gun, so I had to hang the bitch!”

Cold Draft

I always keep my shoes and socks on during sex.

There’s quite cold draft somewhere under my computer desk.

Sex Show

I went to a sex show last night and it was brilliant. One particular woman even managed to pull a rabbit out of her snatch.

It really turned me on and at the end of the night I took her back to my flat.

I bent her over my bed, put lube on her arse and lined my cock up with the hole.

She immediately looked around at me and said, “Not up the arse, it will really hurt.”

“Don’t be silly” I said, “I promise it won’t hurt one bit.”

As I slipped it up I screamed, “Fuck!!! What is that?!!”

She said, “That’s where I keep the ferret.”