Ollie’s Father Dies

In the USA, the southern states have their rednecks; New York, (where Paddy and Seamus immigrated from Ireland,) and Minnesota, to the north, with three or four dim bulbs called Ollie, Lena and Sven who must have migrated from the Scandanavian countries. …

Ollie answered the phone one day and came back to the living room crying.

“Vell, Ollie! Vat in da vorld is da matter?” asks the sympathetic Lena.

“I yust had bad news, Lena,” Ollie replied, “My fadder yust died!!”

Just then the phone rang again, Ole went to answer it and came back crying again.

“Vell, now, Ole, vat is da matter?” asked Lena.

“Dat vas my brudder.” said Ole. “His fadder yust died too!”

Ring Tone

I was at work yesterday and one of the women from the office asked me what my ring tone was.

“Light brown, like everyone else,” I replied. These women are certainly a lot more forward than they used to be!

My Starving Wife

My wife came in starving today so I made her a great big cheese and ham salad sandwich.

“Don’t eat it just yet, just hold the plate” I said.

Five minutes later I took it off her and threw it in the bin.

“What the heck?!” she snarled.

“Remember this feeling,” I said. “Next time you come to bed all sexy, in a nightie, smelling gorgeous and ask me just to frickin’ hold you.”