Short Jokes

1000 of the Best Short Jokes

  1. I love people who can make me laugh, when I don’t even want to smile.
  2. If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
  3. Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
  4. Your license plate should be your phone number… So when you drive like a dickhead, I can let you know about it.
  5. All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
  6. I say we give them 1 more day and if they can’t come to an agreement then we initiate the 1st U.S. Hunger Games.
  7. My friend was upset that he lost out on a promotion at work to an attractive older woman. I told him not to cry over skilled MILF.
  8. Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
  9. When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always “I don’t believe you.”
  10. Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
  11. It’s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then we fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
  12. I think from now on…I’m going to start referring to the crease on my double chin, as an “extra smile”.
  13. Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?
  14. Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
  15. You should really start thinking before you speak…and while you’re at it, you should also think before you think.
  16. Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
  17. That awesome feeling when you walk in the beat of the song you’re listening to.
  18. A scientist claims to have 100,000 pieces of evidence that Bigfoot exists. How about one, a f#cking Bigfoot??
  19. Serious question: Are doctors SURE erectile dysfunction isn’t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
  20. When the zombie apocalypse finally starts, I am running straight to the graveyard to play the most epic game of whack-a-mole ever.