Short Jokes

  1. I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t any more. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
  2. Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
  3. The best thing about being productive is going to bed knowing you did something. Or I think that’s how productive people feel. I don’t know.
  4. Being the life of the party doesn’t mean being the whore of the night.
  5. I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!
  6. The only thing worse than the one that got away is the one that won’t go away
  7. Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
  8. I was asked what I would give the man who has everything… Well, my phone number for a start.
  9. Isn’t it ironic that to be popular on social networks, you have to sacrifice your social life.
  10. See someone you know in a store….. “WHAT’S UP MAN!!” Walk around and see them again….. Nod your head & slight wave See them a third time…. Avoid all eye contact.
  11. Climb mountains not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world.
  12. My boss is currently shopping for quarter million dollar homes. Meanwhile, I’m over here deciding if I really need to spend $2 on lunch.
  13. I’m not heartless, I’ve just learned how to use my heart less…
  14. Rumors. Well at least you’re spreading something else besides your legs.
  15. When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you??
  16. They say real girls ain’t never perfect, perfect girls ain’t never real.
  17. Is your name WiFi, because I’m feeling the connection
  18. I like when Google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking Google stupid questions.
  19. I’m currently making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me anymore, you’re probably one of them.
  20. A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk TO EACH OTHER instead of about each other.