Short Jokes

  1. New years- the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early
  2. It would be easier to keep my New Year’s resolution to accept and forgive people if they’d stop being the same jerks they were last year.
  3. There have been many time in 2010, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, bugged you… today I just wanna tell you… I plan to continue in 2011!
  4. I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2012 & a beautiful beginning into 2013.
  5. For my new year’s resolution I will stop replying to funny jokes I hear by saying LOL
  6. If I untagged myself in your Facebook picture that had nothing to do with me, please consider it as a polite fcuk you.
  7. Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I’ll be watching you. – Dog
  8. I was sitting across the bus today from a very sexy Thai girl…and I kept saying to myself “Don’t get an erection , Don’t get an erection”….But she did
  9. To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
  10. I guess since you can’t adopt Russian children anymore, you will just have to wait until they are old enough to be a mail order bride.
  11. I’m sorry but can people stop liking sick photos of kids or animals being abused. How is licking a photo going to help them? All this 1 like = 1 prey is crap & is making my news feed full of disturbing images. Please stop now, thank you.
  12. The first thing I do when someone introduces themselves to me is forget what their name is.
  13. Just watched a girl choke on her food and this can only mean one thing, she forgot to take a picture of it first and post it on her FB wall.
  14. If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple ‘Thank you.’ is all I need! Not all this ‘How did you get in my house?’ business!
  15. Nicki Minaj looks like an unlocked character that you get on the last level of Mortal Kombat.
  16. I once bought shoes in China that said “made around the corner”
  17. You know your getting old when you drop something on the floor and instead picking it right back up, you just stare at it for a min or two…
  18. Farted on the bus, 4 people turned around, felt like i’m on “The Voice”
  19. Don’t you hate it when you’re typing something and you’re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were tits.
  20. Only 5 days until Facebook is stacked with return to the gym statuses and pictures of salads.