Short Jokes

  1. Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. it’s only fair since you’re getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also..
  2. Santa is the ultimate hipster. Works one day a year and spends the rest of the year judging you.
  3. Dear Santa, us big girls like toys too……just put them in the second drawer of my nightstand!
  4. Excuse me, Santa, but I still haven’t received the first “ho” you promised me.
  5. Screw the nice list, I’ve got you on my “nice and naughty list!
  6. That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!
  7. Santa’s lap isn’t the only place wishes come true.
  8. Interested in seeing the “North Pole”? (Well, that’s what the Mrs. calls it)
  9. Last year, I got socks for Christmas. The year before, I got a couple of sacks. And before that, a sax. For pity’s sake, Santa, you blind old jerk, it’s sex. S-E-X.
  10. What happens on Santa’s lap……stays on Santa’s lap.
  11. The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet.
  12. Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I’m gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says “Help, need ride!
  13. Just got a peek at Santa’s naughty list! Amazingly, it’s almost identical to my friends list. Can’t believe some of the things you people have done!
  14. I have just been kidnapped by a fat dude in a red suit, shoved in a bag and taken to the north pole and wrapped up. Who put me on their Christmas list?
  15. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
  16. Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.
  17. Can I have your picture, So Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me on this CHRISTMAS.
  18. Santa is always jolly, he knows where the naughty girls live.
  19. I may be on Santa’s naughty list but at least I had fun getting there.
  20. I’m going to slide down your chimney tonight. Wink. Wink.