Short Jokes

  1. Other people’s children are my form of birth control.
  2. Whenever I see a lone female jogging at night I follow her in my car from a noticeable distance because there are a lot of weirdos out there.
  3. You know you’re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
  4. Dear Santa , before I try to explain, just how much do you already know?
  5. If you can’t do it naked, it’s not worth doing.
  6. When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want! Its a Trap.
  7. I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
  8. Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
  9. My girlfriend just walked in and called me g@y. If my nails weren’t drying I swear to God…
  10. A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don’t need to dress half naked to get a man’s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
  11. I say “do I smell popcorn” right after I fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
  12. I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache…and then she won’t talk to you anymore.
  13. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
  14. The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
  15. When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
  16. Don’t dress like a hoe and expect a guy to approach you like a princess.
  17. Excuse me, Santa, but I still haven’t received the first “ho” you promised me.
  18. Last year, I got socks for Christmas. The year before, I got a couple of sacks. And before that, a sax. For pity’s sake, Santa, you blind old jerk, it’s sex. S-E-X.
  19. What happens on Santa’s lap…….stays on Santa’s lap.
  20. The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet.