Short Jokes

  1. Can’t wait til Feb. 15th…otherwise known as 1/2 price chocolate day.
  2. Valentines Day is the day that the “V” and “D” come together ..
  3. So I’ve decided that my Wi-Fi will be my valentine. Idk, we just have this connection.
  4. What the difference between a calender and you…. a calendar has dates.
  5. So if Valentine’s Day is for couples, then the other 364 days are for me, right?
  6. Instead of a sign that says “Do not disturb” I need one that says “Already disturbed”
  7. Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the other person is a complete idiot.
  8. “What if you get to Heaven and Jesus be like, ‘Naw bruh… remember you kept scrolling?’
  9. Oh you wear sunglasses inside? lt must be sunny on planet cool.
  10. If you lost my trust, don’t expect that sh*t back.
  11. I heard she was born naked, that slut.
  12. On this occasion of Chinese New Year I would like to ask all my Chinese friends. Of all the utensils that were invented to eat rice with… How the f**k did two sticks win?
  13. Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, “I don’t know. I don’t speak Chinese.” Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.
  14. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, It’s the year of the snake !!! I’m still keep accidentally writing Dragon on all my checks.
  15. There was a homeless guy walking down my street.. I was gonna give him a few bucks but his sign said: “ONE DAY IT MIGHT BE YOU”. I put the money back in my pocket just in case he’s right.
  16. My ex said she left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to her I actually…damn that’s a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst.
  17. Like most men, I have two personalities… the guy before the orgasm and the one after.
  18. My girlfriend came out of the shower and said “I shaved down there, you know what that means?” I said, “Yeah the f*cking drain is clogged again.”
  19. How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
  20. Remember people, good manners is what separates us from the French.