Short Jokes

  1. I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the batch of cinnamon rolls in the oven!
  2. First rule of cuddle club: It better lead to sex or you’re out of the cuddle club
  3. Axe came out with 2 new body sprays. I’m having a hard time deciding between “My mom is picking me up at 8:30” and “Can I  touch your bra”
  4. I love smiling at random people. Some of them smile back. Some of them get really creeped out, but that makes it worth it.
  5. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
  6. How do people approach their crush I don’t even have the guts to ask for an extra ketchup in McDonald’s?
  7. There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
  8. A pretty face gets old, a nice body changes, but a good woman will always be a good woman.
  9. I like to eat at Brazilian restaurants because there will be no hair in the food
  10. Me: I want a hot body. Me: Does absolutely nothing to achieve this.
  11. Question of the day: when was the last time that you saw a music video that was relevant to the actual song?
  12. To all the waiters out there: we don’t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
  13. Never trust a woman who doesn’t b*tch about everything.
  14. The best things in life are free. The second best things are very expensive.
  15. My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
  16. My roommate is on a date and said he’s convinced she’s coming home with him tonight. I’ve covered his room in Justin  Bieber posters. Now we wait.
  17. I am not sure if I need to get beat up, broke as hell and drive a P.O.S car to get a hot girlfriend. Because that’s all I  see, ugly is the new hot!
  18. The TV remote, the G-spot and black dads. Some things are just made not to be found.
  19. Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
  20. That awkward moment when your friends are singing “happy birthday to you” and you don’t know where to look.