Short Jokes

  1. Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
  2. In any kind of relationship…you learn more about someone at the end of that relationship than at the beginning……
  3. Looks like someone spent more time at the gym than in English class…
  4. I Would Flex But I Like This T-Shirt.
  5. Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the ‘Like’ button is below)
  6. Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
  7. You know your relationship is losing its spark when your wife wears a rape whistle to bed.
  8. Paris Hilton says that bees frighten her. I bet the rest of the alphabet does too.
  9. Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It’s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we’re out of napkins.
  10. The less you know, the more you think you do.
  11. Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
  12. There’s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it’s only lettuce 🙁
  13. Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
  14. People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.
  15. To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
  16. Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
  17. Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
  18. Friends are like boobs. You’ve got small ones, big ones, real ones, and fake ones.
  19. It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
  20. Justin Bieber has grown a mustache. His transformation into a teenage mexican girl is now complete.