Birth Control

There were these three girls who were getting married and they all met at the marriage counsellor’s office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.

There were two city girls and one farm girl. The counsellor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile.

They all said that they had discussed this with their potential

husbands and had all agreed to wait awhile. Well, the counsellor asked the first girl what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, “The rhythm method”.  “That will work,” said the counsellor, “but only if you keep a good record.”

He asked the second girl what system she planned on using. “I plan on using birth control pills” she said. Again he said, “Yes that will work as long as you don ‘t forget to take them”.

He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, “The bucket and saucer method.”  After a short delay, he told her that should also work. He asked them all tocome back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.

They all met again one year later and the two city girls were pregnant.

Only the farm girl was still slim and trim. Well, the counsellor asked the first girl what method she used and what went wrong. She replied, “I used the rhythm method but somehow got my notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.”’

He asked the second city girl what method she used and she replied, “The birth control pill . But we were camping one weekend and I didn’t have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.”

He turns to the farm girl. “I vaguely remember you were going to use the bucket and saucer method.Now I must admit that I don ‘t have a clue what the bucket and saucer method is. Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.”

She replied, “Well, we always make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a bucket turned upside down.

Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers ….

“I kick the bucket out from under him”.

Pull Buddy Pull

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.

Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

Chicken Legs

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH.

He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed the chicken had three legs.

So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer “What’s up with these chickens?”

The farmer said “Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.” The man asked him how they tasted.

The farmer said “Don’t know, haven’t caught one yet.”

Hi My Name is

There was once an old farmer whose only virtue was 3 beautiful daughters. One night, they were all going out on dates with their respective beaus. There came a knock at the door, and he answered.

“Hi!” said the young man standing there. “My name’s Joe. I’m here to pick up Flo. we’re going to the show. Is she ready to go?” “Yes, I’ll go and get her” said the farmer.

About 10 minutes later there’s another knock. “Hi, my name’s Eddy. I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going to eat spaghetti. Is she ready?” So the farmer goes and fetches her.

Another 10 minutes go by, and there’s a 3rd knock. “Hi, my name’s Tucker…” And before he can say another word, the farmer grabs him by the neck, drags him out the back, and shoots him.