Baby

A travelling salesman’s car breaks down on a deserted road, and he seeks refuge from the evening storm at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer, being a kindly soul, says to the man that he can spend the night and they’ll sort his car out in the morning.
“There’s only one small problem,” says the farmer, “We don’t have much room, so y’all will have to either sleep on the couch, or share the spare bedroom with Baby.”
Thoughts of middle-of-the-night crying, early-morning nappy changing and all those other unpleasant things that come with sharing a room with a strange baby spring to mind, so the salesman agrees to sleep on the couch.
The next morning, he walks into the kitchen in the hopes of scoring some breakfast, and he sees this absolutely stunning, blonde, t*ts like melons and legs that went right up to her neck, she was busy making coffee and dressed in just a silk negligee,
She turns around when he walks in and coos: “Hi, I’m Baby, who are you?”
He replies: “I’m the stupid fcuker who just spent the whole of last night alone on the fcuking couch!!”

Chicken Farmer

A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions. ” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation? ” The woman replies, “I’m a whore. ” The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that. ” The woman, “OK, I’m a prostitute. “. “No, that is still too crude. Try again. ” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer. ” The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute? “. “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year. “

Service Charges

A young farm-girl answers the door and sees an older neighbour standing there.

“My Dad ain’t home,” the young girl says, “but I know what you want and I am sure I can help you. You want our bull to service your cow. Well, my Dad charges four hundred bucks for his best bull.”

“That’s not I want,” growled the neighbour

“We also have a young bull who is just starting out. My Dad charges three hundred bucks for him,” she replies.

“That’s not I want either,” growls the neighbour.

“Well then, we have an old bull out in the pasture. He can still do the job. My Dad charges only one hundred bucks for him.” she informs him.

“That’s not what I want at all. I came here to see your Dad about your brother. Your brother made my daughter pregnant,” the neighbour hisses.

“Oh. I guess you’ll have to see my Dad about that then, because I don’t know what he charges for him.”

Party On

A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm. At the end of the summer the farmer says, “Son, since you have done such a fine job here this summer, I am going to throw a party for you.”

The college guy says, “Right on, thanks a lot man.”

So the farmer says, “Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkn’ going on.”

College guy “Hey, I can drink just as much as anyone else so I should do just fine.”

Farmer “There is also going to be a lot of fightn’ so I hope you are ready.”

College guy “I have been working hard
all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape.”

Farmer says, “Well, did I mention that there will be lotsa sex?”

College guy “Good. I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action. What should I wear to this party?”

Farmer says, “I don’t care it’s just going to be me and you.”